Space Hunter: Rednecks in Space

The full title, while long enough to be a Fallout Boy song title, is Space Hunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. This is a truly underrated B sci-fi film that marked one of the more impressive attempts at 3-D in the 1980s. It sure was a hell of a lot better than Jaws 3-D, at least. Produced by Ivan Reitman, it may be most important for introducing the Stripes director to Ernie Hudson, who a year later would fulfill the same wisecracking black sidekick role for him in Ghostbusters.

To be fair, Reitman didn’t direct it - it was done by Lamont Johnson, whose most famous directorial roles were Twilight Zone episodes - but he was involved enough to recruit Harold Ramis to perform a voiceover cameo. This cameo is crucial, as it introduces Wolff, the film's low-rent Han Solo. For those keeping count, we also have skid row Han Solos in Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars and, of course, Spaceballs. A space cruise ship ejects three rich Earth women in escape pods, and they end up crashing on a set that looks to be leftover from Road Warrior. It's up to our anti-hero to earn enough cash to pay off his alimony payments by rescuing the Earth women.

At this point, you can smell the character arc like a twice-shat dirty diaper. We've seen this before - in the beginning, he only cares about the money, but in time, his heart is won over to the cause of righteous freedom. Once on the planet, Wolff loses his female robot to a stray bullet, but fortunately, since this is a wacky space adventure flick, there are plenty of eccentric sidekicks waiting to team up with him along the way. Before he hooks up with Ernie Hudson (fulfilling the Lando role so hard that he may as well be repeating dialogue verbatim), we meet Nikki, played by a teenage Molly Ringwald in perhaps her most annoying role. This is the fault of the script, as well as her distinct one-note acting.

The nuttiness of Wolff's travelling companiosn provides all kinds of great B-movie stuff, including a giant ocean ship pulling a crew of mutants down a random train track, cool futuristic motorcycles, a room full of giant slimy monsters with cottage cheese asses, AND, top top that off, they have an awesome fighting dome overseen by none other than Michael Ironside; this was a full year before the Mad Max legacy would be sullied by Beyond Thunderdome!

Thus, we come to our ultimate highlight. To mainstream movie fans, Michael Ironside is one of those “oh yeah - it's that guy” personalities. To cult and B-movies freaks like us, Ironside is the Brad Pitt or Matt Damon of the movie. His scenery-chewing panache has brought us laughs and tears in Total Recall, The Machinest, V: The Final Battle, McBain, Starship Troopers and in David Cronenberg’s Scanners, which may well be his most memorable roll. You may remember him as the crazy guy who made the other guy's head explode like a ripe tomato near the beginning of the movie.

In Space Hunter, Ironside has one of his finest moments - playing the dictator of the forbidden zone, who is known simply as "Overdog." Why a man as powerful as him would choose the name "Overdog" presents an interesting character study. We quickly learn this guy just doesn't give a fuck - his Zombified bald head sits atop a very heavy-looking futuristic suit, which includes some awesome giant pincer arms. Overdog looks awesome, and matched with Ironside’s voice, he steals the entire movie out from under the forgettable Han Solo wannabe.

Is this movie worth your $2?:

Oh yes. Overdog alone is a crucial part of Ironside’s career, and must be seen to be believed. The vehicles alone give this film a "rednecks in space" feel, and it's just another sterling example of those tax write-off, shamelessly derivative, yet massively entertaining flicks that don't get made any more.

Megaforce: A whole lot of word; not a lot of deeds

If you ask Twentieth Century Fox what the biggest bomb of the last century was, it had nothing to do with Hiroshima, but everything to do with the film Megaforce. I witnessed this travesty firsthand upon its theatrical release when I was in the second grade, and I believed firmly at the time that even I could have done a better job writing it. The budget was huge, and the movie was accompanied by a whirlwind merchandising campaign; the toys were sold even before the movie was released! In hindsight, this was a good idea, as no kid could possibly have thought these toys were "cool" after they had seen the movie.

The Matchbox cars boldly stated on the packaging that the toys were inspired by the upcoming "blockbuster." Megaforce was directed by Hal Needham, legendary stunt man and auteur behind film experiences like the Smokey and the Bandit trilogy and the Cannonball Run films. Hal and Burt were like Scorsese and De Niro, or Mifune and Kurosawa - inseparable. The fact that Burt Reynolds dodged a role in this turd despite his obviously close relationship with the director should have been Fox's first sign to call off the project. Had a Sharky’s Machine-style Burt played Ace Hunter (awesome 80s action hero name, by the way), it might have given the film a tough edge. Instead, they cast wussbag Brian Bostwick, known by modern audiences as the bumbling mayor of Spin City.

The Megaforce is an elite, diverse group of guys who defend the world from...uhhh..."stuff," all the while dressed in snazzy yellow spandex. It is also a requirement to have that spandex open halfway down the front at all times to reveal your hairy chest. They drive around in heavily-armored dune buggy super cars. Needham spent a lot of dough on building this fleet, which he claims the military was studying. I don't know about you, but I think the U.S. military sure would look great zipping around Baghdad in these things. I wonder how they hold up to roadside bombs, although Megaforce could, in and of itself, be classified as a "roadside bomb."

Cool vehicles aside, there is one major problem with Megaforce. The movie has four human beings who were given credit for having worked on the screenplay. Apparently, all four forgot along the way that you are supposed to have things happen in movies, especially in action movies. At the beginning, we are introduced to Knight Rider vet Edward Mulhare, who plays a generic international diplomat, on the scene to witness the power of the Megaforce. Forty-five minutes later, Ace Hunter reveals that their enemy, a general played by cult classic actor Henry Silva, was an old friend. During that forty-five minutes, a whole lot of nothing happens.

Silva, the star of Cinematic Feces-approved Eurotrash classics like Almost Human and Escape From the Bronx and, more recently, Ghost Dog, is a rogue dictator / generalissimo. He has an army of tanks in the desert for some unclear reason. For an even murkier reason, the Megaforce is the only team that can stop him. The confusing plot takes more than an hour to unfold, and when the dune buggies attack, it’s another twenty minutes of circling, blowing up dust, and still almost nothing happens. Another notable appearance is Michael Beck of The Warriors, who went on to damage his career with roller skating musical Xanadu and the Mad Max-inspired cheese stick Warlords of the 21st Century. The cast members, who do an admirable job not looking too embarrassed, do not save this movie

Is this movie worth your $2?:
This is tough, because this movie does need to be experienced, but you must steel yourself for a painful affair. You will simultaneously laugh and be bored-to-tears by the utter lack of attention to pacing. Smokey and the Bandit was not far from a masterpiece, but it at least functioned as an action film. Be prepared to fidget and get up for another drink a lot.

However, Ace Hunter’s triumphant escape from the final battle is worth every minute of agonized boredom along the way. I don’t want to give it away, but let's just say that it is one of the worst special effects shots ever set to film, and worth the whole experience. The finale gives the word "goofy" a new meaning.